i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
