I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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