Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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