There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
