my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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