In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
