So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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