hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
