I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
