My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
