Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
