So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
