alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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