just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
