holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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