i just wanna soil my oats bro
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
