morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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