On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
