I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
