I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
