you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
