True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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