we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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