I am puke
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
