I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
