But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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