hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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