i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
