Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
