he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
