So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
