On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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