i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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