I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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