umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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