in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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