what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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