my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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