Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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