just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think I sprained my soul last night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
