Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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