you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
