just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
