Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
