You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
