i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
