I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
