Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the condom got lost in my hair
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
