"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
