I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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