Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
