Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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