she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
