I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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